Do you ever get a bit annoyed at yourself for taking so long to anchor yourself to friends who are actually friends to you, the way friends should be to you? Really, I had one friend in primary school. One girl who I knew for sure would be there, accepting me for a chat or a game or just to sit by so I didn't get picked on or feel awful for being on my own. And she's my bestest friend to this day. Two years younger than me, I got ridiculed for not being able to interact with children my own age but I didn't care because she was my friend, but then it got harder in secondary school. 

I didn't really have good friends in secondary school, with friends from primary school abandoning me for someone new and interesting I had to force myself out of my comfort zone to do the same. I found a group through a girl I shared my first detention with, but I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb, it was a pick and mix of characters but I didn't feel myself, I couldn't be who I was with Gemma, and I didn't like that. If Gemma could appreciate and accept me for my giggly, peculiar self, why couldn't they? And whit couldn't I let myself be that around them?

However one girl from this group, (who sadly got rejected because of a giant misunderstanding) stuck with me, we stuck with each other. And like Gemma, Eve's my best friend. (We all know Gemma is my sister, not that there's a heirachy of friends) Then little Eve introduced me to her other friends. Quite frankly her better friends and they soon became my better friends too. My best friends. 

I don't feel awkward to interact if they're by my side. I don't get socially anxious if they're nearby. I can be silly and have fun with them. And I want to always have fun with Eve, Annie, Amy and Ryan. As well as Gemma and little Eve of course.

Although I always had Gemma since primary school, I met Amy there too. And it annoys me how we missed the bit inbetween primary school and college but I'm content that I have her as a great friend now. And even though Ryan is fairly new to all of our friendship circles, he's most welcome. And Eve and Annie - cor blimey - they're quite a pair! I've always been one for living only in the now and I am so grateful for their presence in my life but I bloody well hope they'll stay! We've created heart warming memories that make me happy cry and I want to make even more for fucking ages!

But even though it took me a while to learn the difference between real and fake friends, I know for sure these loons are real. Because they're my friend and stay my friend, even when I crack a little bit. I know I can be 50 shades of Beky with them and they will accept me for that with a smile. And heavens knows I'll be there with some sticky tape when they crack. Even if it may only be their voice when their eyes threaten tears, I'll be there. 

Cheerio my loves. - Beky x