Well hi there strangers. I do hope I still have an audience and that you're all well. Lately I've been having skin troubles in the face region - which I often do, and it often gets me even more down about my face than usual. Anyway I've been hunting for cleansers that will help heal my skin and keep it spot, eczema and redness free and the long hunt for such a kind-to-my-problem-skin cleanser made me think about the other things I've been "cleansing" in my life generally.

I want to get back to blogging again, with no strict rules - I've always written about whatever I wanted and will continue to do so, posting only when I have something with meaning and purpose, so it's worth you sitting down to read (and me sitting down to write). I also don't know when I'll be posting, if I'll write something up when I'm in the mood and save it for the good ol' Saturday, or just hit publish -  nevertheless it won't be strictly weekly, it will be as and when, but hopefully worth any waits.

I've even hidden a few posts that I just couldn't stand because of their poor quality when I rushed out a post for the sake of being weekly. As a sort of cleanse for my blog I wanted to come back knowing that those posts can no longer be seen and I can't be brought to any shame for publishing such forced nonsense. Perhaps I should go all out and start all over again with a fresh slate. Maybe a brave step for another time...

I've also done a bit of cleansing of "stuff", really just bits of clothes and toys in my brother's room to help him clear his own space up as he was really going for it and I have a corner of space for myself in his room as mine doesn't have the space - it's not that I have that much stuff honestly, my wardrobe lives in his room, which is another thing we both plan on cleansing together pretty soon too. After helping him clean up his room it's made me want to do the same with mine, except I've got it into my head that spiders live under my bed inbetween all the old toys crammed under there so I'm quite hesitant to get started to be honest.

Meanwhile, I've been trying a bit of a digital cleanse. My most recent photography project investigated hyper-connectivity and telepresence which made me look at my own use of digital things. Perhaps that's a blog post in itself I can explain deeper, but I certainly want to continue photographing the subject. Anyway I felt compelled to detach myself from my phone a bit more and I realised all I use it for is to call and text my dad and brother and scroll endlessly when I have nothing better to do, so I turned off a lot of notification sounds and banners to help me look at it less so I can "live in the moment".

It's probably all a bit of a pretentious ideal that I want to make a big project out of really. We're too involved with screens (she says, writing on a screen) and I wanted to make myself step back from mine, get a bit of perspective and detach myself from being so reliant/dependant on something that I don't actually use all that much - we all know I'm not a social person but I really rarely get any notifications it's almost sad.

Anyway, I'm cleansed (and still cleansing) and I feel like I've almost over-used this analogy for one little blog post so I'll end with some encouragement for you to do some spring cleaning of your own. It always grows into a bigger task because it leads you to wanting to clean out more things, be it your Facebook friends list or the cupboard under the stairs but it always feels so good afterwards.

[x]

Anyway I was saying I'm bored, and that feels weird. I suppose I could start some work on my website or start on some ideas for the next uni project. I'm experimenting in the darkroom for the next few weeks! I'm very excited about it because I don't know what's going to happen or where it will take me. But I do enjoy playing with the enlargers and the chemistry, and I've barely even started yet so it's bound to get more interesting. The only hard thing about doing new things with my photography is not being able to show you. I constantly wonder how much you'd like my pictures, if you'd frame them or post them online or add to my mind maps of ideas. I scrolled through your facebook yesterday and found a post of yours, it was a picture I had taken and you'd commented that, I know you'd be proud of the pictures I take just as dad is, they're a little better than that old one I saw.

I've been feeling rather low for quite a while. Naturally I haven't confided in anyone, though hardly anyone even asks so why burden anyone with my everlasting grief of you. I did a whole photography project about that. At the time I liked the therapy it gave me but now I think it's a bit tacky, perhaps you would too. I can think of many things I would change about it but maybe that's reason to try it again, make it better as well as helping me cope. I don't know how I'd word my feelings to anyone even if they asked me whats on my mind. Though it is immensely annoying when people do ask whats up and all I can think is "are you fucking joking me, have you forgotten what day it is?"

I haven't been getting up to much. My bed becomes warmer when I'm feeling so low, not helped by the fact it's probably winter and anything that isn't bed is colder anyway. I don't have too much to update you on, some would say I need not tell you anything as you're "always watching over me" - which I kind of hope you're not because I'd rather have my bathroom time in complete privacy thank you very much. It's going to be a while until the next Saturday 25th, so I thought I would dedicate one of my many notebooks to this kind of thing, but unrestricted. Just unread letters to you. I know dad has said he talks to you sometimes as he asked me once if I talk to you too, which I do, just not out loud.

I found an old video of you though, you were playing intense tig with Alex in the lounge and that did make me laugh out loud - Alex and Dad too. I also found the video of dad when he was drunk and caused a lot of trouble in the kitchen, you know the night I'm talking about. I'm sure we couldn't get through it in one go you would laugh so much at your husband.

I know you would want me to be happy and celebrate today, and all my birthdays, to go out and have a meal or drinks at the pub, or bask in gifts and well wishers - as everyone tells me "it's what your mom would want" - though they do not need to - but I simply do not have it in me. I am tired and confused. Confused about what I should be feeling on this dreaded day, and tired of making attempts at fun. This year I have ran out of fucks in which to give and the past few months I have spent just minding my own business. It's quiet and sometimes a little lonely but I know I will always have my dad and Alex, and the Bates' - which they all made sure to tell me more than once last night. I think my new years resolution will be to use this lack of cares to really work on myself and my work, to get myself ready for wherever it is that I'm heading, really grab life by the wotsits.

I'm surprised at how calm I feel after writing all that to you mama, but hey if you were still here to actually talk to I would be calm, I'd have no worries and no imbalance of emotions - perhaps someone ought to take me to the doctor as you used to..

Maybe I'll have a birthday alcoholic beverage for you mom, what would you suggest, Baileys in my hot Chocolate?

Well this has been a long time coming, it would appear I've become absolutely awful at posting my new pictures (even on Instagram which you should totally follow me on) but anyway here goes. Last month my dad and I joined some family friends for a week long stay on the Scilly Isles, which took us two attempts to get there. We all drove down to Exeter airport and anticipated an hour long flight over to the islands off the coast of Cornwall (the end bit on England), but after spending some time in duty free waiting out our then delayed flight we headed into the boarding lounge and were minutes away from getting on our plane when we were told, our plane wasn't there and wouldn't be arriving any time soon.

At which point me and my Chummy started telling every that something was wrong with the left phalange (if you know, you know), in fact the generator broke down which is a mighty failure so nobody was getting on that plane. The solution? Exeter airport put all the passengers on a coach to Lands End to get a 20 minute flight from there. Such fun. This airport was literally one room, and the planes had 8 seats. Imagine two seats of a bus: that was the plane. I was sat at the back with the sack holding all our luggage behind me (within reach - tiny plane was tiny) and with my Chum sat behind the pilot, she told him it was her second plane journey so he took the scenic route and flew over all the islands before landing on St Mary's, which is where our fun begins...


What better place to start than with a map of the islands? On the first day we didn't do too much other than exploring the local town and stopping at the first place we found for dinner (in my opinion, the menus at all the places we dined out in were really crappy, but I don't like seafood so already my options were minimal).


There was plenty of sea-fairing memorabilia around the islands and I quite enjoyed it. Since the islands are so small, you're never far from a sea view, plus as I live in the midlands I don't get to see that sort of aesthetic very often.

 

Since I'm growing to enjoy documentary/street photography, I wanted to take a particular focus of capturing this in such a different setting than I'm used to - like people sat by the beach or on boats. I didn't capture as much of this as I'd like but I'm still pretty happy with my range of photos nevertheless.



On the second day, me and Chummy went on a very long walk around half the island. It seemed much smaller and achievable to walk the whole thing in a day when we were looking at it from the plane, but when we got about half way around, neither of us thought we would make it so we stopped walking along the coast and headed back towards the welcoming sofa of the home we were staying in. But not without taking a bunch of photos along the way...


Twice I have been on holiday with a friend now and I must say (aside from the endless bants and company of someone closer to my age to keep me sane) having my own personal model to photograph in a new location certainly has its perks.


(who needs a tripod when you have a nearby rock to balance your camera on, and an inhaler  in your pocket for support)






The next day we began to take our explorations further and took a boat to one of the other islands, Tresco. There's not much to do on the Scilly Isles other than explore and take in the surroundings but it was still an experience I enjoyed.


While sitting to refuel ourselves, we noticed the abundance of sparrows around us, to which my Chum began feeding bits of pastry to them, providing entertainment and a mini photoshoot.


We spent Tresco in a large garden filled with all sorts of plants - which I didn't find all too interesting to be honest but there was a display of a collection of ship figureheads (those creepy faces and bodies at the tip of a ship) and there was an old woman sketching some out, which I thought was interesting.





Hunting for crabs on Porthmellon Beach.


As I've said before I really enjoy documentary photography, as Gemma explained "it's like people watching in a photo" and I just really like that idea, particularly when people are doing interesting activities or interesting looking people are doing ordinary things.





The goodest dogs.



On day six we went to St Agnes and did lots of exploring together. I have a mild interest in light houses, I just think they look amazing but this is as close as we got to one as we just kept walking and lost track of it. Perhaps if we go again I will make it my mission to find one of the lighthouses to marvel at close up.


On our walk we suddenly found some cattle and I just love the dramatic lighting here.



After we had eaten (an exceptionally disappointing meal) we took our drinks outside and I noticed the light was getting more orange so I downed my drink and took off with my camera to find the setting sun and again I was amazed and kept saying "wow" out loud to myself. Sunsets are just my favourite.


I managed to find the sun with clear skies setting over the ocean and my oh my did I take a shit ton of photos of this view.



Another day, another boat trip (to St Martins) - I don't even know why I didn't take many photos this day but this flag is the Red Ensign, used by the Merchant Navy (the maritime register of the UK, describing the seagoing commercial interests of UK-registered ships and their crews - courtesy of a quick wiki)


When we got back from our cheeky extra island trip we stopped for dinner at this pub which had a live band playing. While I waited outside I noticed these men tapping their glasses along to the tune and I loved the lighting so I snapped a photo.


Before we left on the last day we re-visited a nice restaurant we all enjoyed for breakfast (tea and scones please) and once we had finished, our sparrow friends returned to share our food. We covered up the jam after this as we were doubtful that jam was good for the little birds.



Our plane journey back to Exeter airport was more successful. We were on a bigger plane that included a co-pilot, small aisle and one row of single seats.  A couple had already bagged the first two seats so I sat in the lone seat one behind them, with a perfect view of the cockpit and propellers beside me. I was sure to have a charged phone and a memory card in my camera for the return journey and I'm so glad I did. My dad was sat behind me and we are both keen flyers so in such an intimate plane with the pilots in view was really exciting for us.





We landed safely and had a party in the car as we drove back to Birmingham - we travelled in two separate cars so when the other half pulled up to us in a spot of traffic we wound our windows down and sang and danced to them, such fun.

I loved getting out and exploring and having something to do with myself everyday, not to mention the new possibilities of photograph opportunities too. I would definitely go back, perhaps not to the same restaurants though but hey ho, nothing is perfect and it's all a part of the adventure.

I hope you liked this long post, do let me know if you've been to Scilly yourself and what your favourite parts about it were. Also tell me your favourite pictures from this post, I tried to include all the best bits, or else you might have had to have two sups to tea to get through it all.

Hey-o, I'm not sure anybody has even noticed but I haven't blogged for a few weeks but I have good reason. My last post I thought was awful, and it's not the first time I've thought one of my blog posts was a complete waste of my time writing, and your time reading - hey maybe you didn't even finish reading. But I decided not to force some content out of me every Saturday as I want to stop writing rubbish posts just to keep up with the "every Saturday" schedule - a schedule I made for myself and can just as easily take away from myself, which I think I will do so that I can be happy with whatever I do post on here.

I wanted to start by filling in the blanks of my Projects 52 posts, and giving you visual summaries of my weeks the past month (June and July in this case), but those blanks are ones I cannot fill, and again I'm not forcing it just for the sake of it. Perhaps next year I will try again - possibly even just one photo for the whole month, I don't know. I wanted it to keep me taking pictures but as I learn every summer, having an academic schedule to keep me running helps massively and I barely even get out of bed let alone get out, and get creative, which is what I really want to do.

Photography takes up a lot of my identity as a whole, people know and refer to me as "the picture taker" of the group as it were. Don't get me wrong I like that but I want to take it seriously and get more out of it but to do so I need to get outside and take my camera with me - a task just a little too large for people like me who need mental preparation to get up early and make themselves presentable for such outdoor activities. But I want my blog to be a little more than just photography - those are the posts I feel are the worst, so I need to take more time out in order to conjure up something worthwhile.

I still want to be more than a photographer though, I still want to blog and I want to take that seriously too. I want to go to events and connect and really be a part of this platform rather than just ramble to seemingly nobody. I see that people look at my blog from the stats, but lack of comments puts a downer on my confidence of my own page as I don't know what you want to read about from me or even what you do read is any good. I've always wanted to be an author for as long as I could read, I wanted to have my own musings among the things I read myself and in July I got back in touch with my bookworm side (as I often do in all the free time of summer holidays) which made me want to write even more. I'm a little embarrassed to say (no idea why) that I want to write novels and I already have two ideas brewing in my head and in a notebook that I am slowly brainstorming in, but blogging is different.

I want to say that I will cut my posing to once a month, with extras if I have it, again on a Saturday but I don't know which point in the month. It may well be what I've managed to get out and photograph that month, but as I say, I want to write about more than just photography and appeal to more people as well as keeping it hashtag fresh. Do follow me on twitter (@BekLouKat) as I'll be tweeting if I have a post lined up and links to said post when I'm ready to be posting.

I think that's all I have to say, if you have any questions do comment them and I'll be sure to answer to fill in any gaps I may have missed. I'll see you when I see you.

First things first, she got in the river didn't she? Go big or go home. It always starts with a "I could get over there couldn't I?" - she easily could until she threw me her glasses so she could put on her shades, but a bad thrower and a bad catcher are not a good mix and the poor specs fell into a deep part of the river, so she ditched her shoes and sacrificed her socks. Sorry again Eve!


A lot of the afternoon consisted of neither of us really knowing what we were doing, but I did my typical thing and used my 50mm lens and got some greenery in the foreground out of focus for that narrow depth of field that I love. I snapped away, trying to keep Eve in focus as she moved around, mainly pratting about which was very funny for us both, but it gave us some nice shots of her laughing.



By the river where was a patch of tall white flowers. I say patch because it wasn't big enough to be a field, but it was still big. Any way I encouraged Eve to go in a little bit so that there were some flowers in front of her as well as behind. This was my favourite little scene from our impromptu shoot - friends, come and take photos in flowery fields with me.




A bit of another "I can get on that" moment. Again, she threw her glasses to me and they fell in the long grass. Seriously, that stump reached our hips, that grass is loooonnggg! It was my turn to reach in for them and hope there were no stinging nettles. This was a little difficult for me as she was up high and I do like having something close so that I can get a depth of field, so I got down low and tried to focus on Eve from all this long grass...


this one was actually an accident but I really like it, it's different from all the others and there's just something about it which I really like but I can't quite pin why, but here it is anyway.