HELLO! (I'm a big fan of shouting greetings, I'm going to do it more often its enjoyable). I was inspired by Louise Pentland (YouTuber and Blogger "Sprinkle Of Glitter") to dye my hair the signature colour of the cancer my mother died of for the duration of the awareness month after she made a video [watch here] explaining the story of her mother's pain she now lives with.

November is pancreatic cancer awareness month, which is all the more personal as it is the month she lost her short battle with cancer. I'm not ready to share my story as Louise has - I feel like talking makes it all the more real and I really, really, really, really don't want it to be. But here are the briefest facts...

My mother was diagnosed with a tumour that was then confirmed as terminal in the last weeks of October 2013. Then about 5 weeks later, 7 days before my 16th birthday, she was taken to hospital. Before she was due to start chemotherapy, she feel too ill for them to risk adding treatment to the mix. She requested to be moved to St Mary's Hospice where she spent her last days lying in bed, asleep and surrounded by her ever loving family. When she first moved to the hospital they gave her two days left. She held on for the rest of the week until my birthday.

At 1am on November 26th 2013, I was woken up and told we were going back to the hospice and to take my time. I knew that I could "take my time" because it had already happened and I turned over to my pillow and cried. I asked my dad what time it happened because I wanted to know if it was 1am or sooner. It was sooner. I am so glad that I got those 16 whole years with her. That she got them with me. And we got to have all that fun together. I am so grateful she is my mom.

I miss her every damn day. All the time I wish she was there. I miss her in all the ways. As Louise said, a mum shaped whole in my life makes me sad.

I trust that Louise's huge following allowed plenty of money to be raised for cancer research as a whole but I want to focus on Pancreatic Cancer UK as most patients are diagnosed too late, and with a 2-4% survival rate for the last 40 years, I feel this charity needs some attention because they offer so much assistance for patients and their families. Here is the link to my Just Giving page if you want to share the link or donate - anything is deeply appreciated, thank you. (Feel free to follow my instagram to see my mermaid/unicorn hair in all its glory throughout the month.)