As I briefly explained on my purple hair post [read here], mom beloved mom died on my birthday. I cannot explain the way my heart broke, looking at her coffin and seeing a plaque with both of our birthdays on there. I highly expected my 18th birthday to be very difficult and depressing as now I would be an adult and have to live out the whole of my adult life without my most guiding advisor. And, even though I had the greatest joy to spend the first anniversary with Gemma, For the above reasons I wanted her back his year too for more lols and hugs of comfort. But my ever loving friends that still live in England and my dad helped me to see "the beauty that still remains" and I think I will try very hard to keep todays picture in mind for future birthdays.

 

Gemma started it off, her being in Australia and therefore ahead of time helped matters. She gave me a beautiful message, telling me to have a good day for her (Gemma) and that she loves me ever so much. My friends at school (Eve, Annie, Niamh, Amy, Ryan, Louis, Emma) all very excitedly bestowed me with gifts - which I love very much, although the fact they called my child nala irks me greatly but all in the name of banter... My dad treated us all to KFC for lunch, and because we are all very hilarious people, they loved having banter with each other as always, which warms my heart.

 

After the KFC we went across the road to the florist because I wanted to buy my mom some flowers, and they had her favourites (alstroemeria) so naturally I got those and arranged them in the vase when we got home. I'm quite pleased with my first adult purchase, I hope she doesn't mind it taking me so long to understand and appreciate that she enjoyed being given flowers.

 

Anyway, before we got home dad needed to go on a food shop so we went to Aldi (#StayClassy) and dad couldn't find a pound coin for a trolley. I had no change, I bought the flowers on my debit card. But when I turned round and took a step towards the shop I found - would you believe it - a pound coin on the floor right in front of my toes. He also found one in his coat pocket so I held on to my lucky pound coin. After I had a nap the lovely Bates came round to bless me with gifts and alcohol and then me, dad and my brother sat together watching tv and just having a peaceful time. And it wasn't a tearful mess of a day to my great surprise!

 

I asked a handful of my absolute closest friends what they thought of my situation. Their replies made me cry for two reasons, sadness and somewhat happiness. I felt comforted and not alone and just wanted to hug them so tight. I was thankful they were honest and told me they thought I was strong - which made me believe in myself a little. And of course I was sad, because it's such a melancholy topic.

 

I usually invite you here to comment your opinions and your own stories but to be honest I'm not completely sure how it would work with such a topic. I am trying to keep my birthday as a happy day, as Gemma tells me too but I feel guilty for not stopping to grieve and wish my mom could be here to celebrate too. It's hard to explain. As always - take note of the quote photo and apply it to your own life and interpret it on your own terms. Yes there is sadness, but you can't forget the good too.

 

Cheerio friends - love Beky x