Yesterday me and my dad drove down to Portsmouth to pick up my brother from his apprenticeship placement as he graduated from his first year today (such pride very proud). We had an afternoon to wander around a beach and shops before we had to meet him at his accommodation. I took lots of photos on the beach we quickly visited. There were plenty of surfers and seagulls around and although the weather wasn't warm I thought it would still be a great photo opportunity.

I am honestly laughing so hard at this picture, what an eloquent quote. I know my mom would also be laughing, she loves this grumpy cat. I'm still laughing, hold on, give me a moment and we'll get down to the point -the point oh my god it's too funny!

Okay.... still laughing, I hope you are too, look at that, piss funny, comedy gold right there.

I had my first exam today. It went okay, definitely could have been better but it wasn't a disaster so it's okay. One down one to go. This week while I've been revising hard to go over everything and get my thoughts straight and feel confident about sitting down and writing about the subject that I strongly believe needs to have more banter like seriously English teachers are so uptight calm down, I've been wanting to turn to my mom.

I wanted to tell her I was struggling and needed help to suggest some ideas or give the definition of a word. I wanted her to encourage me and motivate me to actually get on with it or to keep on going for a little bit more. I wanted her to reassure me that I'll do fine and when results day rolls around she would be proud of me.

I took my maths foundation GCSE exam in year 9 when my mom was healthy. I walked in with my brother who went to get all of his GCSE results and we both came out holding our envelopes and walked over to a bench she was siting on. We both did well of course (we're fabulous) and her smile was so big and her hugs were so tight and I couldn't wait until two years when I'd get that again with all of my GCSE subjects.

Shit went down just before my mock exams, I didn't revise and did bad because I'd forgotten things and I was even asked to take the foundation papers in science because of my bad results but I told them I can bring it back again in time for the real thing. I did. But I didn't get my smile or my hug. Dad was very quiet, maybe he was wishing the same as me and just trying to keep cool. And now I'm doing it all again, and will do it next year too.

Firstly this is bullshit now, education takes the almighty piss, I'm bored of this routine now. More importantly, I can't rely on my imagination to comfort me and tell me what she would say. How many times she would tell me she's proud of me, how many times she'd look at me, smile and then pull me in for a hug. But I do have an abundance of friends and family for support who reassure me that yes, my mom would be so proud of me. I guess I just need her for that bit inbetween learning the crap and getting a grade for how much crap I know for her to tell me to keep on wading through the crap because summer is clean and happy.

That's a fucking weird metaphor - sorry for all the swears.

We all have some kind of pressure on us as teenagers from a handful of people. Exam season is the worst for pressure. You're trying to revise and keep the information in your head until after the exam while simultaneously keeping on top of chores and whatever is in our watch later list and still spending time with your friends and family so your social life and relationships are healthy. And quite frankly all this pressure makes you want to flop and sleep.

We all say at the start of every term how we will do the homework as soon as it's set. Revise in every free period and do the chores as soon as we get in so we can spend the rest of the day doing, well nothing much at all. But lets face it we don't, and we end up rushing it all last minute. I'm literally rushing this right now so I can do the washing up before dad gets home and then put my clothes away before my friends come round so we can go to town and mEET CARRIE FRICKIN FLETCHER...

Ahem, yes, so we are all rushing our tasks and then it doesn't really get done properly and we haven't been enjoying ourselves because while we are procrastinating on the internet or watch a film or reading a book or doing every thing but what we are supposed to be doing, we are thinking about doing the work, saying "okay, just one more" or "when it's 5pm I will start" and when we look at the clock its 5:02 and we've broken our promise so we set another one to start at 6.

You can relieve some pressure by just bloody doing the thing! and then doing everything else later. Granted there are never enough hours in the day but make the most of the ones you have but never sacrifice sleep for anything, no matter who you might upset. If you're tired and it's way past your bedtime (can you tell i'm excited to meet Carrie omg) then sleep my dears sleep! you can finish it tomorrow at some point and if not, then "I needed my sleep" should really be a reasonable excuse shouldn't it?

Okay now I'm off to do some of my chores so I can relax and enjoy meeting Miss Fletcher (I am fangirling so hard inside right now)