Hello my good friends and how are you this rather sunny Saturday. I have been dreaming a lot lately, and by dream I mean that life you live in your sub-consciousness while lying down in a fortress of comfort when there is no blue in the sky. One time I thought about the whole concept of sleeping too much and now it seems insane. Like when you say a word over and over and its as if you've just made up the word. Think about it now for a moment... You dress yourself in special clothes just for this one activity and lie down on a platform padded with comfort and warmth, just to lie unconscious for hours. It's just a bit bloody bizarre isn't it?!

Anywho, yes, I have found myself waking up to my alarm, the loud noise stealing me away form this second life I was living. And when I turn off the irritating sound I get confused. Why was I in that place - that looked like three different places merged together, doing that thing with those people? Most times I tell my dreams to my best friend Gemma, but ALWAYS I type my most elaborate dreams that I remember the most into "notes" on my phone, to write up later in a notebook I own. I have a few to transfer to my notebook but it's strange how even after that morning as I'm rewriting the events of my dream, I can still picture it in my head.

Dreams fascinate me. What they mean and how they make you feel. And most of all how real and tangible they feel in the moment, but then you wake up and it's totally disappeared. Blows my mind! Sometimes I like to search what my dreams mean online to find out why the heck a volcano made an appearance for example. (turns out I was due an emotional "explosion" - I cried over college two days later so that was pretty accurate) I'd love a book about dreams, either explaining them or even a dream dictionary so I can search up the meanings of my dreams there, who doesn't love a book to hold?

I've had a few recurring dreams - and nightmares - in my life, which I find all the more odd because your sleeping mind takes you on the same adventures twice. I shan't go into my childhood nightmare as it still creeps me out to be honest, however one recurring motif of some dreams has been me, my mom, and aeroplanes/airports. We're either running around the airport looking for our flight or my dad and brother. Or actually sitting on the plane that's taking the strangest route, including going in between mountains and trees. Apparently airports signify birth (arrivals) and death (departures), I interpret this as the departure of my mother and the arrival of a new life without her. These air related dreams happened in the first year or so after she passed. I still don't like the D word

Anyway... I encourage you to write down your dreams. The ones you remember and think about all morning and the ones that are wild and elaborate and feel so real. Even short ones or random ones you can only remember snippets of, because it's interesting to read back on and have those images flooding back to you. Seeing the randomness of your thoughts and stories that you mind makes up for you like a movie for your sleeping self is amusing. I like to laugh at my subconscious logic, like when I took off the break of my car (which I don't have in real life) so it would crash down the hill and make a loud noise to distract the zombies from where we (myself, Coleman, Gilligan, Annie and Gemma) were walking through the forest. Or the casual swimming pool in the middle of an arena, which I had to wade through to get on stage and dance with All Time Low. I literally have no idea, but I find it so interesting what adventures your sub-conscious takes you on while you're in between days.

Well hello everybody and how are you this fine Saturday. I've had a busy day myself, hence such a late post. Last night I was wondering what I could possibly write about for this weeks blog post and as I laid in bed looking up at my wall I thought, why don't I show you lovely lot my photo wall. It's pretty darn clear by now that BekLouKat likey the photographs, so to maintain this reputation I shall continue showing you my photos - hahaa! I do hope you enjoy - as always let me know your faves.

I thought I'd try something a little new with this post and go all black and white on you, to get deep I figured since this post is more about the story behind the pictures and not the image itself, the colours didn't matter as much. Black and white photography - I feel - allows you to focus on the moment and memory captured rather than the "prettiness" of it. Anywho lets get to it...

When my room was decorated many a year ago, my parents painted the walls white with pink flowers dotted around, however this wall only has a heart in the middle of it, about eye level. I think it was my dad who added this heart and he said he put it there to remind me that I am loved, and to see it inbetween photos is much better than hidden behind posters.

For all you English lot as I'm not sure about the rest of the world, you can get twine/string and pegs from almost any good stationary or homeware shop. I've seen bits and pieces in Poundland, Wilko, Homebase and WH Smith. In Wilko I even found a small packet with mini pegs like the ones pictured above - which are cute to go with those smaller polaroid photos if you're lucky enough to own one of those beautiful cameras. I attached my string to older hooks already on my wall where other frames had once hung as well as blutack because I am ever so classy. However a friend of mine who also has a photo wall of her own used some self adhesive wall hooks, which could be found in Staples or shops like that.

You can assemble the string however you like, mismatched all over the wall so it's covered completely covered like mine - or something more neat and symmetrical like how my friend has done hers. Or even - now here's a cool idea - use fairy lights instead of string! However you lay it out, be sure to make the string tight across the hooks, it will sag and loop down as you peg up the photos.

When Gemma came to visit and I even kept the car park ticket when we went to meet her at the airport. And when my brother and I first saw our favourite band live.

I print my photos at Boots because I find it quick and easy and they have decent prints, I simply want something physical of what I already have on my phone or camera, so I can see my most favourite images and memories every day as I lay in bed, facing this beautiful wall of fame. I'd love to take a day to find the dates for when each photo was taken and write it on the back for when I'm old and forgetful, but for now these memories are prominent and clear in my head and I could tell you detail for each one!

Me and my fam-a-lam on a beach in the Isle Of Wight, unknown to us - our last family holiday. My brother, our mom's mom and me at my 18th birthday party. And a very old photo I found of me and my brother on our old sofa, It's very blurred but trust me, we were very cute toddlers.

Me (and my bro) with my dad's parents on holiday in the Isle Of Wight 2013.

 Photos of Family is essential isn't it - unless you don't have a good relationship with them which is understandable. Nonetheless I think if my grandparents ever came into my room again (they only ever tackle the stairs to pee, they're getting old bless them) they'd feel honoured or pleased they made it onto my wall of fame, and know that I'm always thinking of them and they have a special place in my heart, no matter how bonkers they get!

"da siblinz", (myself, Alex my real brother and Katie and Amy/Chummy Bates who we've known our whole lives - great gals) saying an elegant "fuck you" to cancer at our charity quiz night for Pancreatic Cancer UK.

My friends (minus two) from sixth form at my 18th birthday party.

And of course photos of your bestest friends, who keep you smiling on any day that you are in their presence, to hold the memories of a good moment filled with laughter and absolute silliness amongst all the bad - as long as it has taken me to find true friends, these pictures remind me that I don't have to look any further.

A ticket to my first ever concert that my mom accompanied me to, featuring confetti from a different time I saw the same band but both memories I am grateful my mom took me to.

Peg up tickets from various events like concerts or meet and greets, I have a couple of Waterstones wristbands alongside photos from book signings (Louise and Joe in case you were wondering).

This is probably THE photo that triggered my whole photography journey. At a National Trust place one day I was most bored so mom handed me her pink digital camera and asked me to take pretty photos of various things. In the gardens she said to me "I'd like a photo of these flowers here, can you do that for me?" and told me to think about a different angle to make the photo much more interesting. On this sunny day I spotted bees busy pollinating the flowers and spotted one close by on a bright red flower, so, I quickly crouched to get a nice close up shot and this is what I got. Mom loved it so much she printed it and framed it in the lounge. Years later I printed another copy to peg up on my wall as a reminder of this story and how impressed my mom was with the photos I took and how eagerly she wanted to print this one to show people in her home. She comically named the photo "Boo's Bee" as my nickname my parents gave me from a young age is "Boo" and the similar "boobie" - that's just our sense of humour.

Sunset on mom's favourite beach - Oxwich Bay in Wales on our first holiday without her. Black and white simply would not do this justice. Me, dad and Alex were walking right out to the low tide when I turned back to look at how far we had walked and I was so amazed at the view I snapped this on my phone and it's so gorgeous,  I adore everything about this photo.

 I like to have a few of my own photographs on my wall, for sentimental value in the story behind it and encouragement to never give up on myself as a photographer because I am good at it, and the proof is right in front of me, every day.

The friend I mentioned before sneakily asked me for "photos that make me happy" for a school project but really she printed them off, polaroid style for my birthday. I sent her photos of people that make me happy, youtubers, actors, musicians because I idolise them for chasing their dreams and passions and making success out of their hobbies.

 On the opposite wall below my book shelves I made another small row of photos just for polaroids, to spice up the other side of my room a bit, and to have somewhere more special to put the smaller and different style of print. I love polaroid's because I feel like they date back forever and have such a unique and iconic style. Also this small photo wall is totally not a hint to my dad that I'd make use of polaroid photos by having somewhere to display them if I ever were to have a polaroid camera ;)


I like having my photos mismatched and interwoven together, jumbled up and positioned at any angle because they're all part of me and my memories - and I feel like it allows my creativity to shine through when I can whack a photo anywhere. I for one don't file my memories in strategic parts of my brain, they're jumbled up and floating around, waiting for me to reminisce over them again, just like the photos. My favourite thing about photos is how they're like magic, holding a memory from real life on paper - it boggles my mind and I could spend forever appreciating photographs.

I'd LOVE to see your photo walls if you have one, or if this has inspired you to make one for the first time. Do direct me to any posts like this from other bloggers, and let me know what your favourite photo/story of mine is, I always love to hear thoughts on my posts - I like the idea that I have something profound and thought provoking to say :) and as Debbie says, another "blog from the heart" done, I hope you enjoyed.

Aloha dear readers and how are you today. I woke up thinking it was still a school day and I was late, can you imagine my relief when I saw it was Saturday! Clue: Much relief, more sleep. Today I want to talk about my friends... Again. I know I've spoken about them a few times before but this blog is like an online diary and I want to thank a few people in my life.

Recently my best friend and I drifted apart for a bit. We still messaged each other but it was short and awkward but I didn't worry. This happens occasionally but I have faith in our friendship because one of us in time will mention how we've drifted or things feel a bit awkward and then our closeness is restored. Our friendship is one of a kind, like soul mates for best friends we don't even have to establish that the other person is like an ultimate best friend above everyone else because it's a given that doesn't need saying, I'm pretty sure our other friends have heard it from us enough.

We've known each other as long as we can remember, having play dates at each others houses or in the play ground. It saddens me that it took her moving house to another continent to make us become truly best friends forever but hey, you don't know what you've got until it's gone and you appreciate it all the much more from so far away. I really cherish that girl, and I only wish we could physically spend more time together as we did last year when she visited for the first time since she moved.

It makes me want to see my other best buddies more. Including a rather small and rather good friend of mine who left to go to a different college. We don't speak everyday (but I did get a drunk voicemail form her very early this morning) but when we do it's like nothing changed and we still love each other very much and have lots of fun. She's bonkers but that's part of why I love her. I've discussed with a friend before about how qualities of people, an outsider might find irritating but we all love about each other. I have a lot of love to give to my friends and I want to hug them and tell them but it seems we're all too busy laughing about that time I tried printing off a photo of the 500 Days Of Summer poster but it turned out to be 500 Days Of Obama to stop and appreciate each other.

I also feel like I'd be the only one getting sappy and making everyone cry and say "Oh Beky!" What can I say, the past few years have ben an emotional roller coaster and a lot has changed for me, and now I feel comfortable with a lot of my life, I want to stop and appreciate Gemma for her endless and somehow ever growing love. I want to thank Eve C for her koala-like love and her silliness that makes me laugh. I want to thank Eve G for her sense of humour that can make anyone's day brighter with smiles. I want to thank Annie and Niamh for (I hate to say it because I'm not ready yet but) for being mumsy in our group and looking after me if ever I need it and generally being a bit more sensible to keep us all in line.

I want to thank Emma for our endless deep conversations and private talks (private talk *salute*) as well as making me laugh. I want to thank Amy for also offering some hot goss and accompanying me on busses home most days which make me smile. I want to thank Louis (yes you pronounce the s) for being an example for me of chasing your dreams and being passionate about your hobbies. Also all the lols. And Ryan for being absolutely barmy and making me laugh too.

I'm knee deep in some love for my friends so I'm going to go ahead and thank some people I should take myself to see more often.... The Bates for being a safe house for me, although it makes me sneeze I feel content in their presence and their madness makes me smile. I want to thank Steve and Debbie, I know Debbie reads my posts - hello - and although I almost always forget to send them a message I think of my time with them and their friendliness towards me and I am so grateful for that life changing time.

My friends are very important to me and if somebody offended them I sure as hell would jump to defend their honour, I'm not even sure if I'd go in arms flailing or with my tongue sharp with words to give someone a right telling off in the style of my mother. Speaking of, my friends here have become my rocks since my favourite rock was taken away form me. They keep me sane, they keep me happy and they keep me going. I don't talk much about how I feel other than positive emotions but these guys take my troubles away. And I am forever grateful for them to be in my life.

My eyes are moist now so I shall stop before we all erupt into puddles of tears (of happiness). And as always a message to you dear readers, hold your friends close and tell them why you love them no matter how silly you may feel being all mushy for a second. Don't shy away from befriending your fave blogger over here too ;)

Well hello you lovely lovely readers how are you today. I'm in my fluffy cosy dressing gown wishing I never got out of my comfy cosy bed this morning. The night before last I spent the night in London with my art class so it was nice to return to my own bed. It's an annual art trip where we go to London looking at all the huge galleries, taking pictures that may possibly help us with our projects and having general banter.

As I have mentioned before, I love London, there are a million different corners of the city that are so special and unique. Like the skateboard ramps in southwark smothered in colourful graffiti, which is a personal fave as I walk past it almost every time. Wherever I go I always think "that would make an amazing photo!" and I think that even more so in London. I hope to spend more time in London as the years go on, I even hope to go on days out there with my camera trying out street photography since it is so full of quirky treasures. I mean I'd love to live there but it is so expensive and doubt I'd realistically get so financially stable on my own to comfortably live there. Anyway, I thought I'd share with you my latest experience in my current favourite city as the last two days were quite eventful...

Firstly, in true "blogger" style, my outfit of the day, which to be honest I thought was quite "London-esque" and nice, and more importantly comfortable. I really liked my outfit on the first day, I swapped to a grey tshirt for the day after though.

A cream knitted jumper from Primark, black skinny jeans from H&M, blue denim jacket with brown boots and brown tartan scarf from New Look, a brown fur pom pom hat from a Christmas market stall outside New Look and my lovely black and rose gold KitSound "Milano" headphones - which I kept hidden under my scarf when I wasn't using them with the wire underneath my top so nobody knew I had something worth pickpocketing - clever I thought hahaa.

 We got off the train from Birmingham to Marylebone and headed straight to the first gallery. The group consisted of the year 13 art class - 7 girls including me (minus one who couldn't go), The year 12 art class and year 12 product design class. Due to hardly any people taking art or product design it is a very tight-knit trip where everyone bonds and has a nice, mostly relaxing time. The head of art, our second art teacher had to stay in school so somebody artistic could teach lessons, the product design teacher and a pe teacher, just so there was an adult male present for the lads in year 12.He even joked he didn't have to be there and would take people straight home to Birmingham if anyone misbehaved.


The first gallery we visited was the National Portrait Gallery, where I treated myself to a yellow magnet shaped like a camera, which is very me. Yellow is my favourite colour and you all know how I feel about cameras. (I was thinking about them just then and typed "yellow is my favourite camera") Then we headed around the corner to take a group photo. And proceeded to go into the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. I didn't take my camera with me so every photo was quickly taken on my phone but I still did my best and took another second to frame everything right.

It rained on and off both days we were there, I guess it really showed us the beauty of London in all weathers, and it wasn;t too heavy so it wasn't so bad.

We didn't stay in the National Gallery for very long at all, we got a few rooms in when an alarm went off, I first thought someone stepped too close to one of the special paintings (as I have done before) but then it was followed by a calm recorded voice over saying "a fire has been reported please leave the building." At which point the men and women in suits dotted around at every doorway watching over people told everyone to leave the room and followed us out to make sure everyone evacuated. It was all very dramatic and strange to suddenly see an art gallery so rammed with people. Usually everyone is spread out across the rooms so it doesn't really look like many people. But when you're all heading for the door at the same time, it adds up. Luckily I still had one class member in my sight so I wasn't alone as we soon found the rest of the group and went on straight to the Tate Gallery. (where I also treated myself to a small book of 55 photography tips)

The next day we went to the Saatchi Gallery, which had some REALLY weird things... They have an exhibition on right now called "Champagne Life" full of work from female artists but take it from me, there is some creepy stuff in there. Including an actual real stuffed horse that looks like it's stuck on a giant exercise ball, and wax figures that look like they're falling off hospital beds. I apologise to any offence to the artists but walking in and seeing that is shocking - perhaps that's the intention. But when studying art and being told it's about painting, drawing and tone and seeing art like that, it's so much different to what I've grown up identifying it as. However, the art certainly is interesting, despite the initial reaction of "what the fuck."

I bought this postcard from the Saatchi Gallery, keeping in line with my photography related gallery purchases hahaa. I like this because you can't see the faces of the photographers, they could be anybody. And in a weird way, I find it encouraging because I want to be in their position too one day - not an annoying paparazzi, just a normal photographer taking portraits of people or capturing events or street and travel photography. I look at this print and think "goals", even if it does place me on the other side of the camera, because I could be anybody, and I could even amount to somebody behind a camera like these people here.

When we got back to Marylebone station to catch our train back to Brum town after shopping at Oxford Street, we saw our train had been cancelled. Since my brother works for network rail I asked him to find out what happened and there was a fire on the train and a passenger pulled the emergency break. After the conductor shouted at them telling them they'd get fined for improper use, the passenger shouted back "well explain the fucking fire then" and pointed at the flames outside the carriage. Everyone evacuated and the fire was dealt with but trains from Marylebone were delayed until 5pm.

Our teachers took us back on the tube to catch a different train to Birmingham from Euston station but rushing around not knowing exactly what was happening other than our train had been delayed put me in a panic, I feared I'd either have an asthma or panic attack. I don't mean to be a drama queen or offend those prone to panic attacks but the way I felt, a panic attack seemed possible to me at the time. I was fast walking and trying to control my breathing, I have zero experience or knowledge of panic attacks but I did feel very uneasy, worried and panicked at not knowing what in the world was going on and where we were going, I just wanted to go home. I was at the back of our group struggling to keep up and listening to one of our teachers whispering under his breath at the gate worker to "take a day off" and "let us on" as the head of art was explaining the situation and showing him our tickets. We were let though and got on the train, it started moving as we sat down and I felt a bit sick but I put my headphones on and soon calmed down.

All panic and aching feet aside, I thoroughly enjoyed another trip to London and look forward to another. I also REALLY look forward to one with my camera to get those shots I always tell myself I'll stop to get one day. As always, let me know your own London experiences, or visits to your own favourite city. Don't forget to follow my instagram account and you can like these photos if you please :)

I truly feel like 2015 has been my year... and I expect 2016 to be my year too, because I'm going to own it anyway and continue to grab my opportunities and make the most of those experiences so I can look back and only see all the great things as I do with 2015.

Always a lovely idea for new year - find a jar or something like it and every time something good happens, big or small, write it on a scrap piece of paper and put it in the jar. Then next new year, open it up and re-read all the amazing things that happened. I failed at this though but I still very much remember many good things that happened last year and I want to list them here for me to look back on. (not necessarily in chronological or best-to-not-so-best-but-I-still-love-it order)

1. Meeting Joe Sugg twice - once with Caspar Lee there too and he said me and Joe match as we were both wearing Caspar's merchandise.
2. Meeting Louise Pentland and Darcy! And I managed to tell her how her videos make me very happy then proceeded to happy cry all the way to the bus stop, then she favourited my tweet about crying.
3. Seeing All Time Low live at Wembley with my brother. They are our shared favourite band and it was our first time seeing them and all the fun was had.
4. Meeting Carrie Hope Fletcher with Eve, Annie and Chummy - where Careoke was born and she said hello to my vlog and we had banter, it was a lovely moment.
5. Listening to my friends tell me why they appreciate me and how I inspire them with everything I have done and will continue to do despite my heartbreak of my mother's death.
6. Having Gemma here with me in the first few weeks and filming my first sit down youtube video with her, which was a lot of fun. I'm glad we filmed our lols together to treasure forever and we can watch it back at any time, knowing that connection will never fade.
7. Having the greatest and most rewarding work experience ever with Tip Top Photography! Not only have they become treasured friends but also inspirations for me and my photography dreams. Believing in my potential and highlighting it to me so I can believe in myself too, as well as supporting and teaching me SO much so I can improve with every photo.
8. Donating blood for the first time and not having any problems with it (yes dad that was a very subtle mock of you - love you) And having my most successful blog post detailing my experience of it as it was shared on twitter by @GiveBloodNHS.
9. Finding the pleasant hobby of blogging - like an online diary it helps me not bottle things up and share some young wisdom. With constant support from friends telling me they enjoyed my latest post and lots of views around the world (I swear I'm less addicted to checking my stats compared to when I first started).
10. Having an enjoyable 18th birthday party, which I never expected. With dancing, friends, family and alcohol and having Steve and Debbie there taking beautiful photos from the night was an amazing gift.
11. Dying my hair so purple that I raised over £700 pounds for Pancreatic Cancer UK and the lovely Hannah Michalak even shared the link to my just giving page (thank you Hannah).
12. Passed all my AS Levels with two As and a B, I hope I can keep them just as good if not better when I complete my A Levels this year.
13. Felt truly and deeply content and comfortable with my friends, the realest friends I have ever known. I never want a single one of them to leave my life, whether I don't get to see them every day because of different colleges or even different countries, or if I live and work close to them - I adore my best friends for making 2015 and my life a happier place for me.
14. Went to London multiple times, the city of awe. With friends, my ever banterous media class and English - where friends were present too - also Benedict Cumberbatch, great actor.
15. Began feeling comfortable in myself and the type of person I'm beginning to become. I still have a long way to go don't get me wrong but I'm getting there and Gemma reminds me this occasionally and says she is pleased I'm getting there. I wouldn't get very far at all without her support and love, she's my rock.

List all your greatest moment's of 2015 in a notebook or in a jar, share your most favourite with me in the comments - I'd love to hear your highs. And let's not forget that lovely Anne Frank quote, "don't think of all the misery, but all the beauty that remains." I love that quote, I think of it often. We can't completely forget all the big miseries, whether we try to or not. They become a part of our personality and shape us into who we are. But when you focus on all the beauty, things become great and you have more reason to smile. Smiles are happiness radiating out of your face, and it looks gorgeous on you!