Brace yourselves, it's another sad one. Last weekend me and my dad went to see comedian Jason Byrne do his thing, hilarious guy definitely recommend. However the last time we saw him, it was as a family of four, and a few days after we had laughed at his jokes, my dad told me it had been 3 years since we saw him last, the same three years since my parents found out the worst news that I never expected to later find out.

This is when the countdown of doom begins and my days become difficult. Soon enough it will be the day my parents sat me and my brother down to tell us the news that made all of us cry. Then the day I don't know what to do with: the anniversary, and later Christmas and new year and then her birthday, which completes the difficult cycle and the intensity of the pain lessens but doesn't go away altogether.

I've become a very busy woman with so much to think about and do but it feels like there is never enough time. Uni work to complete, a bedroom to keep clean, finances to manage, a trip to organise in my head, friendships to maintain and a blog to write even when I really don't feel in the mood. I've considered writing an actual journal or diary of sorts but guess what where do I find the time to do that? And then I want to write books for my fictional daydreams or keep an aesthetic af scrapbook and then my mental list gets too much to bear so I pour my efforts into the thing that seems like it has every priority: uni work, which I'm yet to enjoy to be quite honest.

I feel overwhelmed with "stuff", stuff to do and stuff to think about and I can't take it all in quick enough. I'm eager for Christmas break from uni so I can have a little more time to sort out the things that don't have scheduled breaks. Although I do enjoy the banter that exists between my tutors and my classmates, and I am working with two very lovely girls who make me lol and I'm glad for that.

I'm still waiting for the day people find out about this, I've only had to tell one friend as somehow everybody at school knew by the time I went back after the funeral so I'm anxious about having to tell people because I wouldn't know how to say it.

And now I don't know what to say, how to wrap up this blog but as I said I have work to do so I'd better go. Perhaps we shall end with a ray of hope as this has been quite a cathartic post. Yes, there are difficult days and there are difficult days to come, and you feel like there is too much to manage that it will all fall apart. But everything is temporary, and you will get a break some time to straighten things out so that you can carry on being the strong, boss ass ninja that you are.