This sentence is heard and told a lot of times, probably so many that it's lost its punch, but it still applies to every one of us. Unfortunately, nobody is consistently happy, we all experience too many bad days so you are never alone in feeling a bit shitty. A phrase that doesn't help however is "somebody has it worse", it makes you feel guilty for whatever it is you're saddened or frustrated about, and then makes you sad for those going through a living hell. It's a crappy sentence because you wouldn't say it the other way around and tell a smiling person "hey, someone has it better" because it devalues their happiness just because someone around the world just won the lottery or something.

For me, the best thing to do is let people have their alone time for a little while but still stay with them if they want to speak up and share what's bothering them, perhaps do something you know they will enjoy to lift their mood and simply add to their pile of good memories. I usually never say what's on my mind unless I'm explicitly asked because I don't like burdening people with my thoughts when I know they have their own.

Instead I write blogs for both nobody and anyone to see. I have conversations in my head to try straighten out all the thoughts and organise myself, that's how I like to do things I guess, think it first then follow through. As I mentioned before I might start ye olde pen to paper diary/journal to somewhat share my feelings but keeping them close which I am in the habit of doing. But hey, while I am here lets share a few thoughts and feelings...

I feel lonely, because I feel my closeness with friends has diminished greatly after we went our separate ways and on some occasions I have seen them doing things together which I wasn't part of.
I feel like a parasite on my dads money, and although I rarely indulge I always feel bad for having new things. I plan to get myself a job very soon to get some of my own money so that he doesn't have to give me so much just to get me on the train to uni.
I feel dissatisfied with university because it has made me stress and I feel like I've barely made new friends or learnt about photography, and I'm not all that confident with what I've handed in because I still don't even know what I'm doing.
I feel worried about November and the large build up to my birthday and what people will do to celebrate as they do with any other birthday, but the magic is lost to me and I want to do nothing and simply have a regular day of private grief.
I feel guilty for not sharing my opinions and feelings with these people, but I am too unconfident and embarrassed to actually speak up.
I feel that my blogs, without photographs or me being in the right frame of mind, are superficial and not worth reading.

Share your thoughts and feelings to lighten the load, even if it only makes you think about it harder because then it helps you conceptualise and understand what's going on. It's okay to say these silly little thoughts because they bother you, because sometimes it can then be fixed or perhaps people will put less pressure on you about it, knowing you're not okay with it. Big or small, share your problems but only when you are comfortable to.

Brace yourselves, it's another sad one. Last weekend me and my dad went to see comedian Jason Byrne do his thing, hilarious guy definitely recommend. However the last time we saw him, it was as a family of four, and a few days after we had laughed at his jokes, my dad told me it had been 3 years since we saw him last, the same three years since my parents found out the worst news that I never expected to later find out.

This is when the countdown of doom begins and my days become difficult. Soon enough it will be the day my parents sat me and my brother down to tell us the news that made all of us cry. Then the day I don't know what to do with: the anniversary, and later Christmas and new year and then her birthday, which completes the difficult cycle and the intensity of the pain lessens but doesn't go away altogether.

I've become a very busy woman with so much to think about and do but it feels like there is never enough time. Uni work to complete, a bedroom to keep clean, finances to manage, a trip to organise in my head, friendships to maintain and a blog to write even when I really don't feel in the mood. I've considered writing an actual journal or diary of sorts but guess what where do I find the time to do that? And then I want to write books for my fictional daydreams or keep an aesthetic af scrapbook and then my mental list gets too much to bear so I pour my efforts into the thing that seems like it has every priority: uni work, which I'm yet to enjoy to be quite honest.

I feel overwhelmed with "stuff", stuff to do and stuff to think about and I can't take it all in quick enough. I'm eager for Christmas break from uni so I can have a little more time to sort out the things that don't have scheduled breaks. Although I do enjoy the banter that exists between my tutors and my classmates, and I am working with two very lovely girls who make me lol and I'm glad for that.

I'm still waiting for the day people find out about this, I've only had to tell one friend as somehow everybody at school knew by the time I went back after the funeral so I'm anxious about having to tell people because I wouldn't know how to say it.

And now I don't know what to say, how to wrap up this blog but as I said I have work to do so I'd better go. Perhaps we shall end with a ray of hope as this has been quite a cathartic post. Yes, there are difficult days and there are difficult days to come, and you feel like there is too much to manage that it will all fall apart. But everything is temporary, and you will get a break some time to straighten things out so that you can carry on being the strong, boss ass ninja that you are.

I am yet to take this beauty out on a spin so I don't feel I can write a kind of review, but I have been walking it up and downstairs rather than simply taking my camera out of it and it's comfortable and seems sturdy. I'm in love with it and would definitely recommend, particularly as it's currently reduced which is even better. The man in front of me in the queue definitely agreed as he was buying one himself. Great minds and all that.

I hope you liked this post, I'd love to hear some feedback and also maybe even tell me what essentials you keep inside your bag, be it camera bag or handbag, and feel free to recommend some other camera bags you have yourselves for other readers or perhaps my larger future kit if they're much bigger than this one.

Hello and a happy October to you all! I'm in my fluffy dressing gown with the heating turned on and rain hitting the ground outside and I am so ready for the leaves to turn orange! I hope they don't take too long to fall so we can have a long golden season - and it doesn't rain like this all the time so I can take my camera outside with no worries and take an abundance of photos in this beautiful season.

There's an array of photographs I hope to take this autumn, which is probably why I'm so very excited for it. I love autumn fashion because it's so cosy and casual, so I hope I can wrangle a friend into doing some fashion photography with me in some very autumnal locations; on clean white bed-sheets with blankets and hot chocolate, or beside a brick wall in boots and drowning in a tartan scarf, and among the mass of leaves outside of course.

I also hope to feel as cosy as the word autumn itself sounds to me (is autumn beginning to look strange to you yet?) I can't wait to live in jumpers and dressing gowns - I even hope to get some nice fluffy slippers to match the occasion and keep my frozen toes warm in their own little paradise, perhaps whip out the mittens too. As soon as the A word is first dropped I instantly want to empty my wardrobe and fill it with autumnal clothes forever!

I've even re-downloaded Pinterest on my phone with a disregard of what little storage I have in my excitement for Autumn photography and fashion. I hope that I can get some of the things that I like on Pinterest - mainly in terms of photography despite how much I feel my fashion sense as shown on Pinterest is quite different from what I actually have and my wardrobe needs to grow up a bit.

Speaking of inanimate objects "growing up" along with me, I have tidied and redecorated my bedroom recently and I would like to show you in the form of a photo blog post because I have become quite proud of my tiny space. Now that my room has a different feel to it and I'm at uni, I feel autumn will amplify the changes that life has introduced as the trees change their leaves as you would change your coat, and shortly afterwards we will be in a new year full of new things.

Most of all I hope that autumn eases the pain that comes with change, which I am seeing so much of lately. I'm sure I can curl up in a ball under blankets and listen to the rain to soothe my soul this season, despite what more change it may bring.

Let me know what you hope to get out from this season, be it comfort, photos or fashion like me or something I haven't mentioned, like Halloween festivities that may fuel your entire being, unlike me hahaa! (Although I hope I can get some pumpkin carving photos but I can't stand the smell or the inners of a pumpkin - *gags dramatically*) Nevertheless I hope autumn brings you plenty of happy memories and fun adventures to remember.