Happy Saturday people! I hope the sun is smiling down at you today. It's quite sunny here but I ache, my feet, legs and throat hurt, all probably due to the fact it was prom last night and I had a lot of fun! (this is the part where I self-promo my instagram where you can see photos from this day) Despite having so much fun I felt like I needed a lie down, the last hour of the evening became emotional as I began missing my mom. I took myself outside and sat on a bench... until I saw a rat then I promptly dried my tears and went to the back garden area.

I thought about how she would never see me in heels, until I remembered that one pair that went missing after the one night I wore them, and thoughts just spiralled to all sorts of things. It passed 12am before I went to sleep and I thought about how for the first year, on every 25th of the month I would tweet to her, indirectly and just update her on recent events and tell her how much I missed her. I still marvel at how I can think about someone every single day, all day long.

It was a cathartic ritual I gave myself every month - choosing the 25th as that's the date she lost her very very unfair battle. I still occasionally talk to her when I'm alone, not always out loud but I will tell her things and crave a second voice in the conversation. I try to close my eyes and imagine her reactions; usually a pride filled face at my achievements, as that's a significant thing I miss.

I have mentioned before how I took an exam in year 9 and she was there for my results and I try to remember her pride every time I reach a new level of success. It is difficult when people tell me "she'd be proud of you", because I want her to tell me she's proud, with that beaming smile and shining eyes.

With my blog it's quite a split between photography and heartfelt writing, I have a photography project in mind that I could share on my blog but considering my old 25th ritual, I think I shall revert to it when a Saturday the 25th rolls around as a more personal ongoing project to help me deal with such loss. I hope you don't mind being given such emotional subject from time to time, but I do enjoy the relief of writing down my thoughts, although controversial to make public.

I encourage you to perhaps do the same if you've had a family or friend bereavement. Doing it once a month for a year was really nice as it helped me to accept the situation, no matter how much I don't want it to exist. And most of all it helped me keep her fresh in my mind as I fear ever so much of forgetting, no matter how ridiculous or impossible that may be.

Take care my dears, I'm always here for you if you need another ear to talk to about these sort of situations.

How many of you burst into song at the title? Well, I have finished my A Level exams and have prom next week and then I'm free, other than results day in August. For a short while in my early teens I really couldn't imagine myself getting this far, it still seems strange to wrap my head around - I'm no longer a student. School was quite the struggle for me and I hate how it was only in the last stretch I found the greatest friends that would get me through it, and I to them in return. I only hope it all pays off when I open the dreaded envelope and say goodbye to that place for the very last time.

The world is my oyster and I have no idea what to do. First I plan to tidy up the aftermath that A Levels have made to the dining room, which became my working space. Oh my oh my is it a mess in there! I really agree with the phrase "tidy house means a tidy mind" I just can't think with all the mess around. Then once we've recovered the room I shall start all over again and work hard on finding a decent job - with the help of my dad constantly pressuring me into something that's not "flipping burgers".

Dad keeps mentioning doing a photography course at another college which would be nice except I have waited all this time and struggled through the education system and I'm really not willing to step back in the second I get out. Whatever I do I'm definitely going to be focusing on my newfound passion. I only hope it doesn't stay too hard to find.

I also hope to be able to drive by the end of the year, or at least be pretty close to taking the test - the only other test I hope to ever take. And then once I am driving in my own car I can visit my friends in uni around the country, or drive the friends staying in Brum with me for a fun, mini squad day out. Perhaps I could even take them to a pretty location for an impromptu photoshoot for no reason at all - the campfire evening went well so I'd love to do more things with my friends and camera. Hey I could even take myself up to Tip Top for one of those lovely workshops.

I have quite ordinary goals for life, good job, a working car and hopefully a house of my own, although it would be quite exceptional to see my blog grow or my photography be appreciated by many. Never the less I'm welcoming this new beginning of adulthood and the "real world" with all these hopes I've listed, it's certainly going to have a slow start and I know I need to push myself for greatness early on but either way, I know I want that greatness.

And so I encourage you, if you're going to university or finishing it, looking for a job or leaving one, or even just leaving school heading for the unknown, you CAN achieve your life goals no matter how simple or extraordinary and you do deserve appreciation for any achievement. *cheers* go you!

Worry not, I shall update you if and when I have each new beginning I hoped for here, my blog isn't going anywhere ;)

I actually really like this one, it's simple but offers texture. I did try to see through it at the boat on the pond like a circular frame but the post holding the lifering up covered that perspective.

This was the boat that meandered around the pond, I hope these people didn't mind me taking snaps of them, it just adds to the scene.

This rustic camper van followed us in the long line to get in and I was glad I spotted it inside because it made an interesting texture filled photograph.

I once took a photo of some vespers in a line, looking through the cut out on each of them, a photo which my mom really liked so I tried to re-create it with her in mind. There weren't any vespers but I still tried to create a similar photo with motorbikes, it didn't work as well but I still like the close up of all the mechanical details.

I really like this car design, it's so classic. I seemed to take lots of snippets of detail shots.

The inside of the Catalina was very blue so I couldn't just walk past it without taking a snap of the interior.

This yellow car reminded me of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I love the huge round lights as if they're the eyes of the car.

I like the statue on the hood, I have no clue the significance of it on the car I simply thought about interesting details and subjects to snap.

This was from the back of the Hall itself, which we ran out of time to walk around inside. I love the symmetry of it.

There really seems to be a theme, just close ups of intricate details that anybody else might have missed - oh the photographer in me is really starting to show!

I spent a long time in the gardens on my own, just snapping away and I quite enjoyed myself :)

I took this while looking up at the house while we all sat down for a Pimms or Gin and Tonic. (I had Pimms, was quite nice actually, now I see why my mom and Grandma enjoyed it so much on days like these) I liked this shot because it was a perspective I haven't really tried on buildings before, expect more like this in the future.

All day I was looking up and around, this light was underneath the steps to the Hall where there was a secret passageway to the café area and gardens.

I used the pillars of the Hall to frame the shot of the view and all the classic cars on the lawns. This was at the end of the day so it's not as full as when we arrived but I still love how colourful it is.

Again I looked up at the hidden pink ceiling of the porch way - the fanciest porch!

I took this shot because I liked the view, the side of the house frames it slightly. I think I'd like to go on a cheeky architecture shoot because I love the textures of some buildings.

And finally looking up at the front of the Hall. I would have liked to go inside the house to take some detail shots of the riches indoors, thinking about it now I probably would have taken the piss so maybe it was good we didn't get to go inside - ha.

 As ever, let me know your favourite shots from this "daycation" as mom would call it, and I hope you enjoyed this quick lil blog post today. Have a lovely week my friends...