Happy Saturday people! I hope the sun is smiling down at you today. It's quite sunny here but I ache, my feet, legs and throat hurt, all probably due to the fact it was prom last night and I had a lot of fun! (this is the part where I self-promo my instagram where you can see photos from this day) Despite having so much fun I felt like I needed a lie down, the last hour of the evening became emotional as I began missing my mom. I took myself outside and sat on a bench... until I saw a rat then I promptly dried my tears and went to the back garden area.

I thought about how she would never see me in heels, until I remembered that one pair that went missing after the one night I wore them, and thoughts just spiralled to all sorts of things. It passed 12am before I went to sleep and I thought about how for the first year, on every 25th of the month I would tweet to her, indirectly and just update her on recent events and tell her how much I missed her. I still marvel at how I can think about someone every single day, all day long.

It was a cathartic ritual I gave myself every month - choosing the 25th as that's the date she lost her very very unfair battle. I still occasionally talk to her when I'm alone, not always out loud but I will tell her things and crave a second voice in the conversation. I try to close my eyes and imagine her reactions; usually a pride filled face at my achievements, as that's a significant thing I miss.

I have mentioned before how I took an exam in year 9 and she was there for my results and I try to remember her pride every time I reach a new level of success. It is difficult when people tell me "she'd be proud of you", because I want her to tell me she's proud, with that beaming smile and shining eyes.

With my blog it's quite a split between photography and heartfelt writing, I have a photography project in mind that I could share on my blog but considering my old 25th ritual, I think I shall revert to it when a Saturday the 25th rolls around as a more personal ongoing project to help me deal with such loss. I hope you don't mind being given such emotional subject from time to time, but I do enjoy the relief of writing down my thoughts, although controversial to make public.

I encourage you to perhaps do the same if you've had a family or friend bereavement. Doing it once a month for a year was really nice as it helped me to accept the situation, no matter how much I don't want it to exist. And most of all it helped me keep her fresh in my mind as I fear ever so much of forgetting, no matter how ridiculous or impossible that may be.

Take care my dears, I'm always here for you if you need another ear to talk to about these sort of situations.