Ever since I can remember I have been a bookworm. Always with a book on the go, never far without a book. I like to crack the spine and turn down the pages to make the book feel read. And after all this reading, particularly after I've completely finished a book, I have the intense urge to go ahead and write a book myself.
I always have ideas, some from the book I've got my nose shoved into, some from my personal experiences, I want to write about social problems and achievements like gender identity, sexual identity, cancer, friendships, love, family and the wild land of magic and make believe.
I want to make people cry onto a page, hide a giggle behind their bookmark, read the book three times over and underline their favourite sentences after years of devouring all it's meanings. I have no idea how I'm going to go about actually writing a full blown novel worthy of somebody putting it on a shelf in a book shop or how to get to that bit inbetween where somebody says "YES! Now let's make it, fetch some paper and ink." I don't know if years down the line somebody would ask me, hey do you fancy writing until your hands detach themselves from your arms or if I would give it a good hard go and send it off to somebody to read and wait for the next step.
If anything I'm sort of scared. What if somehow I do get to write a novel but it's not actually making any sense and doesn't make anybody feel any emotions or want to never put it down until they've read every last letter.
But then when I consider it, I'm not scared because I want to try so hard until a story is perfect so I can release the next tale from my head. Make more little lives have their own world between two pages. I'm willing to put in all that effort and time to make that world a place that so many people want to visit. Make them understand, make them think, make them feel. Make them bring my characters to life in their heads as they read.
I want people love my book(s) as much as I love reading books. That's a dream I think I've kept for a very long time. And maybe I have a decent shot at it if I aim right. If I breathe, focus and aim, I could hit it. But then how do you sell a book by placing it on a shelf? They say "creative" sorts of jobs aren't reliable for a stable income but I'm a creative person I always have been, that's just me. So I will try so very hard to make it stable, make it solid because that's all I want to do with the time that is my life. I'd love for people to buy the things I make and love it enough to come back for more. It'll be difficult I know but hey, that's what I want so I'll take as many punches in the face it takes me, as long as I can get to that other side I know I want to be.
Cheerio my little dreamers - Beky x
