I truly feel like 2015 has been my year... and I expect 2016 to be my year too, because I'm going to own it anyway and continue to grab my opportunities and make the most of those experiences so I can look back and only see all the great things as I do with 2015.

Always a lovely idea for new year - find a jar or something like it and every time something good happens, big or small, write it on a scrap piece of paper and put it in the jar. Then next new year, open it up and re-read all the amazing things that happened. I failed at this though but I still very much remember many good things that happened last year and I want to list them here for me to look back on. (not necessarily in chronological or best-to-not-so-best-but-I-still-love-it order)

1. Meeting Joe Sugg twice - once with Caspar Lee there too and he said me and Joe match as we were both wearing Caspar's merchandise.
2. Meeting Louise Pentland and Darcy! And I managed to tell her how her videos make me very happy then proceeded to happy cry all the way to the bus stop, then she favourited my tweet about crying.
3. Seeing All Time Low live at Wembley with my brother. They are our shared favourite band and it was our first time seeing them and all the fun was had.
4. Meeting Carrie Hope Fletcher with Eve, Annie and Chummy - where Careoke was born and she said hello to my vlog and we had banter, it was a lovely moment.
5. Listening to my friends tell me why they appreciate me and how I inspire them with everything I have done and will continue to do despite my heartbreak of my mother's death.
6. Having Gemma here with me in the first few weeks and filming my first sit down youtube video with her, which was a lot of fun. I'm glad we filmed our lols together to treasure forever and we can watch it back at any time, knowing that connection will never fade.
7. Having the greatest and most rewarding work experience ever with Tip Top Photography! Not only have they become treasured friends but also inspirations for me and my photography dreams. Believing in my potential and highlighting it to me so I can believe in myself too, as well as supporting and teaching me SO much so I can improve with every photo.
8. Donating blood for the first time and not having any problems with it (yes dad that was a very subtle mock of you - love you) And having my most successful blog post detailing my experience of it as it was shared on twitter by @GiveBloodNHS.
9. Finding the pleasant hobby of blogging - like an online diary it helps me not bottle things up and share some young wisdom. With constant support from friends telling me they enjoyed my latest post and lots of views around the world (I swear I'm less addicted to checking my stats compared to when I first started).
10. Having an enjoyable 18th birthday party, which I never expected. With dancing, friends, family and alcohol and having Steve and Debbie there taking beautiful photos from the night was an amazing gift.
11. Dying my hair so purple that I raised over £700 pounds for Pancreatic Cancer UK and the lovely Hannah Michalak even shared the link to my just giving page (thank you Hannah).
12. Passed all my AS Levels with two As and a B, I hope I can keep them just as good if not better when I complete my A Levels this year.
13. Felt truly and deeply content and comfortable with my friends, the realest friends I have ever known. I never want a single one of them to leave my life, whether I don't get to see them every day because of different colleges or even different countries, or if I live and work close to them - I adore my best friends for making 2015 and my life a happier place for me.
14. Went to London multiple times, the city of awe. With friends, my ever banterous media class and English - where friends were present too - also Benedict Cumberbatch, great actor.
15. Began feeling comfortable in myself and the type of person I'm beginning to become. I still have a long way to go don't get me wrong but I'm getting there and Gemma reminds me this occasionally and says she is pleased I'm getting there. I wouldn't get very far at all without her support and love, she's my rock.

List all your greatest moment's of 2015 in a notebook or in a jar, share your most favourite with me in the comments - I'd love to hear your highs. And let's not forget that lovely Anne Frank quote, "don't think of all the misery, but all the beauty that remains." I love that quote, I think of it often. We can't completely forget all the big miseries, whether we try to or not. They become a part of our personality and shape us into who we are. But when you focus on all the beauty, things become great and you have more reason to smile. Smiles are happiness radiating out of your face, and it looks gorgeous on you!

Hello friends, I hope you all had a pleasant Christmas. I understand how it may not be very merry for many people, poor, alone or thinking of absent friends and family members. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, a very happy Friday to you (for yesterday). This is my last post of the year - Whaaaaatt? I have really enjoyed blogging and I hope to continue it as long as I can, doing my best to keep it regularly updated (every Saturday don't forget).

I have written down 5 new years resolutions for myself (in my lovely Sprinkle Of Glitter diary no less) : to get fitter, learn to drive and pass my tests (if I get a car by the time 2017 comes around then bonus!) establish my sense of style both in my bedroom and wardrobe, land myself a job in the photography industry, and feel the fear and do it anyway. Those are my main 5 I want to achieve next year.

However New Years is very hard for me, I have the memory of myself two years ago burnt into my brain. At a small pub in a village somewhere, we went to tag along for a new year holiday with family friends. We only stayed for the night of new year and slept on the sofas in the rented house but I very vividly recall leaving the pub a few minutes before midnight and looking up at the stars as cheers faintly echoed around. And I cried. And then somebody hugged me I'm not sure who first I think everybody did, but I wept into my dads chest with the sentence rotating around my head "she'll never see this year." and then "we have to leave her in that year" and again my heart breaks. I went to bed early the next new year, and unless I can figure out a way to get to and from my friends house, I'll go to bed early this year too, avoiding the same heart breaking reminders that my mom isn't here.

I thought this morning how I haven't let myself stop to grieve properly, I don't let myself slow down and really deeply think about memories I share with her. I haven't had a moment or a chance to make a moment to stop and think about the loss I've had and how I feel. I suppose counselling is that moment but I hate saying it out loud because it confirms that it happened, and I long for it not to be real.

This is the part where I breathe and think back to the Anne Frank quote I used in a post a while back... focusing on the beauty that still remains. My world of opportunity to make her proud and lifetime of memories that keep her with me inside. I guess it's okay to keep yourself busy as a distraction from the sadness as I do, and it's okay to avoid situations that may trigger the sadness, because in the moment you decide to avoid it, you think about why it needs avoiding and your problems aren't forgotten - it's just how you quietly deal with it.

And now for me to leave you with some wisdom and advice: don't limit yourself to 5 resolutions. We all know they don't last long so keep adding more and try to work on those as the year goes on. Perhaps even refresh it at the start of every month and reach for all your goals. Have hope in yourself and believe that every year will be your year! No matter if it started well and ended bad, or it was overall better than you anticipated, every year is yours, grab it in the tightest fist and shape it how you want. Yes bad things will happen but you still have control in making good happen too. Don't let go. Make memories, capture them in shameless selfies and write them down in a scrapbook or jar full of notes. Let people know you love them, or that you don't like them - no point holding onto a bad thing. Have hope in good things my friends. Even when you feel like there are no good things, make them.

My wish for you this year is that your life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting to where you need to get to, I hope you know somebody loves you.