Yep. Definitely didn't forget I even owned a blog... Whoops. Forgive me friends. And hello! My oh my are things getting crazy. Not only am I trying to maintain a social life and failing to remember to text people with a substantial conversation. But I'm swamped with homework that never seems to allow enough time for actually revising and remembering all the work for the real exams. Ugh teenage life is hard.

After having two weeks off for Easter I'm way out of routine and I can't keep on top of anything and everything's all rushed back at once. Quite frankly I just want to sleep for 3000 years and if I close my eyes for long enough right now that may happen. I miss my bed. And I miss talking to my best friend Gemma. But there's just not enough hours in the day to have some time off. And procrastination doesn't help yet still just... happens.

I cannot wait for summer to come and to leave education. Not only to get some refreshing sleep that leaves me actually feeling awake but to chill, stress free. Chatting to my friends and having some quality camera time. At the same time I'm so scared for the next step and joining "the big real world" as adults call it. I could probably complain about school for hours but right now I'm just so tired from it. It's a lot of hard work and brain effort.

I always have to straighten things out in my head before I can start. I have to mentally tidy up my brain then physically tidy up the work space. Lay it out in my head again then set to work. I'm a visual learner so revision contains a lot of highlighters, coloured pens and imagining the layout of my workbook when thinking back to poems etc. Perhaps next week I shall blog some tips on revising - and most of all remember I own a blog and Saturday is upload day hahaa!

There are so many important things to maintain in life. It's almost like a triangle of "good sleep", "good grades" and "good social life" and you can only pick two. Right now I don't seem to be able to hold up one, but I'm sure we all get like that. And as much as I live for making my family proud with academic achievements and I find such deep comfort in my bed, all I want right now is to be with my Gemma. I'm working on all three agonisingly slowly but hey better late than never I suppose.

What I will leave you with is this. Always keep your mind clean and put your mental wellbeing first. Don't risk having a breakdown with a pile up of stress trying to keep everything intact when it's all a mess in your head. Straighten it out there before you attempt anything, as much as I live by that I still try and leave myself too tired to function like right now. Oh dear Beky...

Take care of yourselves, love to you all and sweet dreams tonight.

Hello my good friends and how are you this rather sunny Saturday. I have been dreaming a lot lately, and by dream I mean that life you live in your sub-consciousness while lying down in a fortress of comfort when there is no blue in the sky. One time I thought about the whole concept of sleeping too much and now it seems insane. Like when you say a word over and over and its as if you've just made up the word. Think about it now for a moment... You dress yourself in special clothes just for this one activity and lie down on a platform padded with comfort and warmth, just to lie unconscious for hours. It's just a bit bloody bizarre isn't it?!

Anywho, yes, I have found myself waking up to my alarm, the loud noise stealing me away form this second life I was living. And when I turn off the irritating sound I get confused. Why was I in that place - that looked like three different places merged together, doing that thing with those people? Most times I tell my dreams to my best friend Gemma, but ALWAYS I type my most elaborate dreams that I remember the most into "notes" on my phone, to write up later in a notebook I own. I have a few to transfer to my notebook but it's strange how even after that morning as I'm rewriting the events of my dream, I can still picture it in my head.

Dreams fascinate me. What they mean and how they make you feel. And most of all how real and tangible they feel in the moment, but then you wake up and it's totally disappeared. Blows my mind! Sometimes I like to search what my dreams mean online to find out why the heck a volcano made an appearance for example. (turns out I was due an emotional "explosion" - I cried over college two days later so that was pretty accurate) I'd love a book about dreams, either explaining them or even a dream dictionary so I can search up the meanings of my dreams there, who doesn't love a book to hold?

I've had a few recurring dreams - and nightmares - in my life, which I find all the more odd because your sleeping mind takes you on the same adventures twice. I shan't go into my childhood nightmare as it still creeps me out to be honest, however one recurring motif of some dreams has been me, my mom, and aeroplanes/airports. We're either running around the airport looking for our flight or my dad and brother. Or actually sitting on the plane that's taking the strangest route, including going in between mountains and trees. Apparently airports signify birth (arrivals) and death (departures), I interpret this as the departure of my mother and the arrival of a new life without her. These air related dreams happened in the first year or so after she passed. I still don't like the D word

Anyway... I encourage you to write down your dreams. The ones you remember and think about all morning and the ones that are wild and elaborate and feel so real. Even short ones or random ones you can only remember snippets of, because it's interesting to read back on and have those images flooding back to you. Seeing the randomness of your thoughts and stories that you mind makes up for you like a movie for your sleeping self is amusing. I like to laugh at my subconscious logic, like when I took off the break of my car (which I don't have in real life) so it would crash down the hill and make a loud noise to distract the zombies from where we (myself, Coleman, Gilligan, Annie and Gemma) were walking through the forest. Or the casual swimming pool in the middle of an arena, which I had to wade through to get on stage and dance with All Time Low. I literally have no idea, but I find it so interesting what adventures your sub-conscious takes you on while you're in between days.